I saw it.
Their gaze on my back.
Full of annoyance and irritation.
I heard it.
The hushed whispers that accompany my every steps.
She’s weird, she’s awkward,
she’s hopeless.
I felt it.
Their annoyance at my every breath.
At every words that I uttered.
And so I voiced it, yes I voiced it.
To all my friends
to ease my worries, they once said.
It was wrong for me to do that and so i noted it.
Their faces change.
The same as the one that I see everywhere.
The same as the one that scared me
the most.
The one that shredded me to pieces.
And they know it, oh lord so they know.
This is stupid, it scream
And I learn, I have to keep it.
And so I keep it.
I keep it inside until it vanishes.
But then it grows and I was wrong
once again.
The seeds of self doubt watered with midnight tears
with fear and anxiety as the sunlight.
And the thoughts as the fertiliser everytime.
And so it grows,
and it grows.
It grows perfectly.
And it won’t budge.
-Aiza-
